Worst nightmare
by justLykdat
Summary: He smiled sarcastically looking at Serena's cover shot. He could not believe she would do THIS to him. He gets up, takes his coat and stuffed the holster in his pants. Ready to do what he never thought he would, even in his wildest dreams. But this was nothing like a dream; actually it was his worst nightmare.
1. Chapter 1: waking up?

**A/N: **So this is my first attempt at a fan fic... i do not consider myself as a writer. So this just a big rant of my thoughts out loud.

its a bit dark and angsty. so those who are looking for happier themes might not wanna check it out.

this Fic is dedicated to DSForeverandalways... who keeps posting at the speed of light... and is the inspiration behind me actually trying to write something.

* * *

The sunlight was hitting his face for hours now. Somehow he opened his eyes. This time he was successful in keeping them open against the brightness, the struggle had been going on for at 30 mins now. His eyes finally getting focused on the surroundings, slowly he became aware of the coldness of the tile underneath his cheek. He tried getting up, pushing his hands against the floor but the strength was not there. The throbbing in his head made it hard to concentrate. When his mind starting working again he realized that he had passed out at the foot of his bed again.

Gathering enough strength he got up on sit on the side of the bed. He still couldn't remember anything from the last night. Head still spinning he looked around the room to get an idea of what had happened.

When looked over to the counter on the other side of the bed, his face contorted. His head throbbed even faster but this time it made sense.

He had USED again.

Sighing he made his way to the bathroom. By now he knew what to expect. The haziness and the emptiness after was all too familiar for him. He had started on the stuff way back to deal with the physical pain. But the other pain he had been dealing seemed to take its toll even more. So he had sunk back to the one thing that would make him stop feeling, stop feeling the heart wrenching pain.

It had been a year from the accident but the scars were still there. His hair covered the ones on his head. The ones on his chest and legs were distinctly visible in the mirror as he stared at himself. Beginning to recount how he had turned into this battered, pathetic drug addict.

He remembered the night of his accident again as he washed his face with cold water. Memory of his past seeping through each splash on his face.

_He was returning to the loft with serena after a another party at her mothers place. They were so engrossed in each other as they never saw the truck jumping the red light. Rufus had been watching them from across the road. Dan moved hurriedly towards his father leaving serena little behind.. Rufus realizing what was happening threw himself at dan pushing him out of the oncoming truck. just as he saw his father getting hit by a truck another cab crashed into him. And all had gone black._

_He didn't remember much of the hospital for the first few days. Except the quiet sobbing on the chair beside him. He kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Finally, he woke a week after the accident. Pain coursed through his body as he looked up to see his mother and sister in the room looking at him. The look on their faces made his stomach turn. It was filled with sadness and worry, it made him sick even more. If you looked at them you could say somebody had di…._

'_Dad….' he said as he looked at his sister._

_The look of horror on his face made her sister spill tears as she couldn't control it anymore. She left the room bawling._

'_Dad….' he again said as looking at his mother_

_When his mother told him about his father all the pain that he was feeling in his body concentrated on one spot. His heart. He felt like he could vomit but didn't had the strength to even get up. All he could manage was a tears. Tears which just felt so inadequate._

_He felt guilty. Guilty as hell. He was the one who was supposed to crash into the truck but his father had protected just as he always had. If only he had been more careful. If only he had not been this drunk. If only he would have not gone to the party. He knew his mother and sister would never blame him. But he blamed himself. They didn't know what had happened_. _They were not there._

_But he knew someone else who was there. Someone who would know how he is feeling. Someone who could maybe, just maybe get him through this._

'_Serena' he called out weakly, lifting his head_

'_she is not here' his mother replied._

_He sunk his head back again, as the drugs started to take effect again and he was drifting. Drifting into his dreams… no nightmares… that's all he will have now nightmares._

_Dan kept walking up and kept asking for serena but she never came._

_SHE NEVER CAME._

'Aaaaaghhh', he shouted as he punched the wall.

The memory of that night kept haunting him. And every time managed to break into his consciousness as the drug induced haze of his mind cleared.

Anger built inside him. The more he thought about the events of past year the angrier he got. He knew he had to get it out of his system. So he went into his father's s old room and started punching the bag hanging there for that exact purpose. He kept punching wildly till the adrenaline rush subsided. The room was now full of gym equipment and training gear. He had started training it as way to deal with the frustration. The frustration he had felt since the day he got to know his father death may not have been an accident. The frustration of not knowing the truth. But the events of the previous month had affirmed his belief. It was no accident. But it didn't go as planned either. It did not matter. Because rufus was dead. But the person responsible was not.

He always had an issue with his temper. But nothing compared to the rage that built inside him when he thought of it. He would train himself to exhaustion so as to prevent the anger getting the better of him.

But nothing could stop him from feeling the pain. The pain he felt from missing his dad. The pain he felt from missing serena. She had left him when he needed her the most. And nothing could stop that pain, nothing but IT.

Brushing his feelings aside he went back to his sister's old room which had been his study for a while now. He went to the desk to remind him of the work he was doing.

The cold metal was hiding the half of the picture, but he could still recognize the face. The face was forever etched into his heart. He picked up the metal piece, put the safety catch back on and put it the holster he bought it in.

Seeing that face had another response from his mind. Again all too familiar. The events of last night starting to recollect vaguely.

_He was roaming around aimlessly to find a bar to drink another night away. He did not had any particular place in mind. He didn't want to go his usual place as he wanted some time alone. And there he might run into people he knew. He did that often now, just being himself. Lonely boy again._

_He somehow found himself nearing the steps of the palace, which as usual was holding another event. But then another town car arrived and she stepped out of it. Graceful as ever, she looked stunning. He got lost in the sight of her, thoughts going astray but was brought back to reality as another man stepped out and grabbed her by her waist started them towards the door. He stood there lost as ever until he overheard someone saying it was her rehearsal dinner._

'_Rehearsal dinner'… he thought out loud._

_The rest of the night was a blur as his thoughts seized to take any coherent form. He knew that drink would do him no good now that this news had been broken to him._

_He knew what would. So he went back to the loft fully knowing he will regret his actions in the morning. But he needed this now. More than anything._

_He remembers removing the magazine with her face on it and hiding the face under the gun. He did not memories now. Not of that face. All he wanted was to forget everything._

He smiled sarcastically looking at serena's cover shot. He starts reading to himself the magazine.

"New York's favourite IT girl gets hitched on….. '

His face drops as he reads the date. He had not read the date yesterday. Anger coursed through him like never before. He could not believe she would do THIS to him.

She was getting married on the anniversary of his father's death. It had been exactly one year since his father's death and she was getting married today.

His rage got the better of him this time as punched the desk in disgust. He could not take this any more. He has had enough he thought. This was the last straw.

He got up, took his coat and stuffed the holster in his pants. Covered it up neatly with coat. Went through the door breathing fire. Ready to do what he never thought he would, even in his wildest dreams. But this was nothing like a dream; actually it was his worst nightmare.

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**A/N**: Originally thought as a one shot...I have a few thoughts on continuing this... so please read and review... and share your precious opinions.


	2. Chapter 2: the other side part 1

**A/N**: okay so this is the follow up... the story is still unfolding in this one so stay patient... the fateful dan - serena showdown is still a chapter away

this chapter was getting too big so i posted what i had... i have a habit of skipping words when transitioning my thoughts to words... so please bear with me till i get better at it... the flash backs are in italics.

hope you enjoy...

* * *

Serena woke up from her slumber. There were noises downstairs that brought her back from her beautiful dream.

'what a wonderful dream….' she thought

The dream she had starting having since the day she met him. The dream kept on varying in details over the years but certain aspects still remain. The look when he saw her. Her reactions to his beautiful words, promising her their forever. The completeness she felt when she heard "I do". The passionate kiss that made her forget everyone and everything else…

The knock on the door made her snap out of reminiscing the dream. Her mother made her way into her room.

'serena dear you should be up by now. It's only the most important day of your life' she said. Making her displeasure clear to her.

'you would know, right mom.' She retorted back. Earning a stern but sad glare from her mother.

' serena I don't want to argue with you. Especially not today. Just get up. Everybody is waiting for you downstairs.' Lily replied.

With that she left her room closing the door behind her. She still could not believe how much had changed in the past year. She remembered painfully the events of exactly a year ago.

_'Mom…' she said over the phone, voice cracking as she could not conjure up anything more._

_Lily heard the fear in serena's voice. 'what happened dear? Where are you? I'll come over'._

_'At… at the hospital' she said._

_'why? Are you okay?' her mother asked._

_' yes…umm… no' she could not think straight. So she just blurted out. 'Dan and rufus were in an accident.'_

_'hold on dear. I am on my way' she said cutting off the sobs from the other end._

_By the time Lily reached the hospital serena was a mess. She was shivering and crying continuously. The worst had happened to rufus and dan was hanging on by a thread. Lily was distraught at the news, she wasn't with rufus anymore but it didn't mean she didn't care. She wanted to deal with her grief in the same way she always did, avoid it. But seeing serena in the state she was she could not make herself leave her daughter's side. She knew she had to be the strong one in this. She could not stop being there for her daughter now. Not after already being late in doing so, over the years._

_'I wont survive mom…' crying on her mother's shoulder as she hugged her. Holding on for dear life._

_'I wont survive…. If he doesn't …. Doesn't make it' she says in between her sobs._

_'don't.. don't say that…don't even think it…. he will survive… and so will you' her mother replied consoling her, trying to get her to calm down._

_After crying for another few minutes in her mothers arms. She drifted off to sleep from sheer exhaustion. It was two in the morning and dan was still in surgery._

_She must have slept for only half an hour when she got up again with a jerk, Looking horrified._

_'its okay honey… go back to sleep' her mother said concerned._

_'I'll wake you up when they have any news' she said again._

_'I can't mom… it just keeps coming back as I close my eyes…' she replied keeping her eyes open so that the image does not come back to her mind. But it was no use._

_'I – I watched it happen… all of it' she said with pain in her voice. The bile in her stomach rising up her chest as the image of the accident kept flashing across her mind. She started crying again as her mother tried to comfort her._

_'it was horrible…' she continued as she recounted the accident to her mom._

_The tears were spilling continuously from serena's face when the doctors finally appeared to approach them. She wiped her tears getting up still fearing the worst._

_'He is stable now. The injury on his head is the major cause of concern for us.' Doctor said. She simply nodded not able to think of anything else._

_'is he out of danger' lily asked._

_'that is difficult to say…he is still critical… the next 72 hours is crucial. If he can gain consciousness completely then it is fine… otherwise we may need to do another neuro-surgery' the doctor replied and walked away._

_The next two days for lily were the longest ones in her life till date. She was filled with grief over rufus. She had to do the worst part of informing jenny and Allison about it as serena was in no condition to do so. She was worried sick about dan and serena, dan hadn't been conscious till now and more than 48 hours had passed. Serena hadn't left the hospital since the night for more than a change of clothes every morning. She had been by his bed side, continuously sobbing, trying to get him to wake up. Hoping and praying he would._

_The third day things started changing. Serena came home by herself without anyone pushing her to do so. She informed her that the surgery was scheduled the next morning. She said she was going to meet someone to get a second opinion for it and went away again._

_She returned only in the evening looking surprisingly calm and cold. She told her the meeting went well and the leading expert on neuro-surgery for trauma patients was flying in tonight to do it. She went straight to her room after that. Lily thought something was off about her. But she didn't say anything to her._

_The next morning lily went to serena's room only to see her up and staring blankly out the window. Lily asked this time._

_'what is the matter serena. Why are you not ready? We will be late' she said_

_' I am not going' she replied bluntly._

_'why' she asked in return. Couldn't believing her daughters words_

_'I have done what I could. Now its up to them'. Serena said curtly._

_' that doesn't mean you should not see him once before it.' She retorted_

_' Maybe I don't want to' she replied with a cold blank stare._

_'fine' lily sad sighing. She didn't know what had gotten into her daughter. She could deal with scared and vulnerable serena but not this cold and uncaring one. She never had been able to previously either. Her demeanour put her off. She had more important things than to deal with the old serena again. So she left the room and went to the hospital._

_Dan's surgery was successful and he woke up two days after the surgery. Lily had gone to meet him a couple days later. He had asked her about serena. She lied to him that she was busy with some work she had forced her to look after. She didn't have the heart to tell him that she spending her days in bed getting over the hangover she had from drinking off the previous night. But the worst of all she didn't have the heart to tell him that she had moved on already. She was going around with someone else now._

_The events that transpired after the week did not please lily. But she had no control over serena who was back to her old self. The only thing constant in her daughter's life in the past year had been him. So when she told her that she was engaged and she was going to marry him, she thought it was for the best. Maybe marriage was really a good idea. She would settle down in a family. She would not be herself after marriage she thought. So even though she had her apprehensions about the guy she agreed. Not that serena would have listened anyway. And she actually didn't have any say in the matter when the date got decided. Not only was it too soon but it was on THE day._

Lily brought herself back form the trip down memory lane when she saw blair walking up to her, with her dress in hand. She better get ready it was already getting late.

'here…. Hope you wanted lost weight since the last fitting' blair said handing her the dress.

'I wish' she said with half a smile.

'go get ready. I'll handle serena' blair replied with a knowing smile.

* * *

As soon as her mother left she dropped to her bed. Tears streaming down her face. She did not want to do this but she had no other option. She had to do this. This was the best way of saving him she thought. The only way. There is no turning back now. If the things were the other way around he would do the same she thought_. He would do anything for her_.

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**Review please.**.. would love to hear your thoughts about the story as i have a little idea where this fic is going but its still evolving as it goes along... so please please review.


	3. Chapter 3: the other side part 2

**A/N: **sorry for the long delay guys... but i had zero time to work on this.

actually i had started this fic after getting bored of writing my thesis days on end... so had thought of writing something i might enjoy writing instead... but then suddenly it got accepted i had a thesis defence sprung on me... i was really swamped and could not find anytime to work on this.

now that it is over i would post much faster... although this one is short one but it was all i could manage as i m working on 8 hrs of sleep in the past 4 days... there will be a third part to this chapter coming shortly as it is not yet finished.

special thanks to everyone who has reviewed this fic... please continue to do so... it really helps

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As soon as her mother left she dropped to her bed. Tears streaming down her face. She did not want to do this but she had no other option. She had to do this. This was the best way of saving him she thought. The only way. There is no turning back now. If the things were the other way around he would do the same she thought_. He would do anything for her_.

The door of her room opened again. Blair entered.

'Hi S…. I know what you are feeling' she said as serena looked at her confused.

'its normal to feel nervous you know… it is your wedding day' she continued. But serena didn't respond.

'Normally I would not suggest this…. but if you want … I could get you something… you know to take the edge off' blair said with a mischievous look in her eyes.

The comment finally got through to serena as she managed a smile.

' I think staying with chuck for so long is starting to show' serena said.

'he wishes' she replied rolling her eyes.

'its normal for married couples so start behaving like each other ' serena said earning a glare from her friend.

' we are anything but a normal married couple' she replied with a smirk on her face.

' no seriously… I overheard you, last time you were suggesting plans to vince's friends for his bachelor party' serena replied.

'it was just the hormones talking…' she replied getting defensive.

'm sure it was…' serena said with a smirk on her face.

' yeah it was… and besides you are one to talk….remember ... The ever so confident miss serena van der woodsen at my wedding reception had a full speech prepared… got nervous and started rambling…'

Blair wished she could take her words back as soon as she said it as she could feel her walls closing around her once again. It had been difficult with serena since the day she returned from her honeymoon. Chuck and Blair hadn't been able to go away following their wedding due to his work. So chuck had planned it so that no one could disturb them while they were away. She heard about the accident only when she got back a week later. She was shocked to find serena back to her old ways. The part where she had started dating vince was even more puzzling to her. Sure he was rich and influential but that was what old serena would have wanted. She had been so happy with dan and now suddenly she was back to before it all started. Maybe the old serena was truly back. Still she felt she was hiding something but every time she tried asking about dan, serena had turned cold and refused to answer. So they had avoided talking anything about dan or their relationship in the past year. She knew that she needed her and she did so despite all her actions.

'umm… I need to take a shower and then I'll come down. Could you wait for me downstairs B' serena said cutting the silence between them.

'yeah sure… but hurry up' she said before leaving.

As soon as serena came downstairs, they started working on her hair and make up. As soon as they finished lily asked them to move and finish up the rest in the chapel as they were getting late.

* * *

Serena had kept herself busy by talking to blair on the way over. Trying to avoid her mind to think. But as soon as she entered the chapel she had this feeling. This feeling that something was about to happen. Like a sense of impending doom.


	4. Chapter 4: the other side part 3

**A/N:** so finally i m able to post the story from serena side... i had thought about writing it all in one chapter but as i tried to deal with her relations with the other two important characters of her life too... it kept getting bigger and bigger...

so this chapter answers a lot of the questions you guys might have had... the writing is lots of rubbish in parts as i tried to get it up without any more delay...

next up... the much awaited D-S showdown...

hope u enjoy.

* * *

Serena had kept herself busy by talking to blair on the way over. Trying to avoid her mind to think. But as soon as she entered the chapel she had this feeling. This feeling that something was about to happen. Like a sense of impending doom.

She finally got into her wedding dress and looking at herself in the mirror. Seeing herself in the mirror she started remembering the past year and how it came down to this day.

'don't cry serena, it will ruin your make up' blair said noticing serena.

'could you guys give me a minute… alone' she said.

Blair was about to say something but serena spoke again. 'please B…' in a tone blair had become familiar with. So she moved out along with the others to leave serena in the room alone.

As soon as blair shut the door behind her, serena let herself and every thing she had been holding came pouring out.

_It had been two days since the fateful night. She had been in the hospital ever since. Dan had still not woken up. She could not think of moving herself away from dan. She had tried every thing to get dan to wake. Right from crying and pleading him to wake up telling him to she loved him and would not be able to live without him; to getting angry and blaming him for being selfish for lying there blissfully unconscious as she and every body else had been dealing with the pain and getting worried sick about him. But he was still lying in his hospital bed not aware how much she had wanted him to wake up. She would give anything for him to get up, to be okay._

_ Rufus' funeral had happened today. But she could not bring herself to go to it. She didn't want to leave dan alone. But more than that every time she thought about it the image of the accident came to her mind. Plus she didn't want dan to feel alone when he woke up. Not able to even attend his father' funeral would surely affect dan she knew. So she had thought that if dan didn't get to go she shouldn't either._

_The next morning she received a call from vince. She let it go to voice mail not wanting to talk to him. Serena thought vince was fine and was always friendly towards. She knew he had been trying get her attention but it was all pretty harmless she had thought as she had made it pretty clear to him that she was with dan and nothing could change that fact._

_Dan on the other hand had never liked him. It was mostly jealousy she had thought initially as he kept on trying to hit on her which had not gone down well with dan. But she had assured dan that she had told him there was no chance of them breaking up so he should just back and find someone else. After a little while he had reluctantly agreed to try and be civil towards him. But all that had broken down a few weeks ago at a party. Dan had lost his temper and punched vince right in the face. She had tried asking dan what had happened but all dan had said was that he didn't trust this guy. His intentions were not good and she should not meet him. She had avoided him ever since as dan had requested her to. But today he kept calling._

_She finally picked her up the fifth time getting fed up by the disturbance of her phone vibrating._

_'hello' she said._

_'hello serena' vince replied_

_'I cant talk right now vince…. I m busy'_

_'I know but this is for your own benefit' his voice smooth this time not his usual flirtatious tone when he talked to her._

_'what is it' she said flatly_

_'I know about dan… I think I could help' his voice turning colder._

_'I somehow doubt that… you know …you trying to help dan out' she replied sensing something was up._

_'I know dan is in the hospital bed next to you lying still as a rock. The doctors had given him a 72 hour window to improve but so far his condition has remained the same. He needs another surgery on his brain for him to even move a muscle again on his own accord. The risk of him getting worse from the surgery is more than you think. I can get the best surgeon on the planet fly in tonight and operate on him but it is up to you. If you want him remaining a lump of flesh and bones for the rest of his life you can hang up. But if you want him to walk again then come and meet me at my place in a couple of hours' and the line went dead._

_The thought of dan not ever waking up from this hospital bed sent a shiver down her spine. She knew from the way he spoke that the help was not going to come free of cost. But she had to do something, whatever the cost. She could not just sit around and let dan slip away. Not when she had a chance to make him better. It was dan. What could be of more worth than dan's life. With that final thought she got up went outside his room._

_She reached her home to change she didn't want him to see her in this way as she reeked of desperation. She told her mom that she had a meeting to get a second opinion on dan's condition as the doctors were planning the surgery for next day. She could not tell her the truth not till she had decided whether to go through on his offer or not._

_She reached his house half an early. The butler asked her to wait in the study._

_She had been inside for 5 minutes when he entered._

_'so you decided to come after all' he started with a smug look on his face which completely betrayed his words trying to make it seem he was surprised._

_'dan is a lucky guy…' he continued slyly_

_'not lucky enough…' she said painfully._

_'he is still alive isn't he… I would call that lucky after the accident he …'_

_'what do you want' she said cutting him off. Not wanting to be reminded of the accident again._

_'who… me?' he replied trying to make it sound like a joke._

_'yes… you said on the phone that you could help dan get the best care in the world but it was upto me…. So what is it that you want from me' she said getting agitated. He was getting on her nerves already._

_' you are smarter than you show' he said smirking_

_'what do YOU WANT'_

_'I … oh… I just want you' he said staring her up and down._

_She could feel his eyes on her. The look on his made her want to punch him in the face like dan had. But she knew this was more important than that._

_' so this is all about this again… dan is lying on a hospital bed and you want me to leave and be with you' she huffed._

_' correct' he said looking amused by himself. She had enough of him._

_' you know I had earlier thought of you as a friend but dan was right… you are just a stuck up asshole with more power in your hands than to know what to with it… how cheap can you get? trying to steal the girlfriend from a guy lying in a coma… you know what I can ask chuck to get any god damn surgeon to fly in tonight…. So I don't care what you want… I am leaving' she said starting towards the door._

_' no you are not' he said simply as she tried fiddling with the knob only to realize it was locked._

_'you seem to constantly misunderstand me serena… I do not take no for an answer… I told you in that in my first meeting… you should have listened.' _

_'let me go' she said wanting nothing but leave and go back to dan._

_'you will go when I allow you to' he replied with a chill in his voice that made her scared._

_'you asked me what I want of you… but you didn't ask what I want of dan' he said staring at her. Looking for a reaction but she couldn't move so he continued._

_'I want him resting in a grave alongside his lame rockstar father'_

_'just because of me' she asked shocked._

_'you seem to forget… he punched me in the face in front of whole of new york… in my business I cant get a man get away with such kind of thing… it ruins your reputation.'_

_'what business…..import/ export' she enquired._

_'have you heard of Bryan Anderson…' he said waiting for her to catch up_

_' you mean don Anderson… the mob boss' she said finally. The revelations of the day already had her head spinning and she did not like where this was headed._

_'yeah well my actual name is Vincent Bryan Anderson… and I launder money for his businesses.'_

_'you…. You are his son' she exclaimed_

_'yes… and the son of a mob boss cant really let some punk writer fist him and get away with it… so I did what had to be done' he said calmly as if it was no big deal._

_'you… you caused dan's accident… you are responsible for rufus' death'_

_'yeah…. his dad was not the part of the plan but I never liked him anyway… I wanted him dead instead… but he survived ' He said._

_'… at least for now…' Malice dripping from his words._

_'I am willing to let him go in exchange to the one thing I have wanted always' he said looking at her._

_'he lives… if you stay with me and never meet him again… those are terms' _

_'what if I say no' _

_'don't think that your step-brother and his little group of investigators can help you…. I own the muscle and the police in this town.'_

_' but… but I cant leave him' she said breaking down. She knew she had no other choice but the thought of her life without dan in it made her cringe._

_Sensing that he would get what he wanted he hit the nail in the coffin._

_' you know his father sacrificed his life to save him…. It made me think that maybe I can let him live as he had thought that his son's life was worth more than his… but you hesitating like this makes me think you don't consider his life to be worth it… you are not willing to give up on your relationship in exchange for his life… maybe he is worthless on his… maybe I should really go ahead and kill him'_

_'no' she said hurriedly._

_'is that your final answer'_

_' no …. I mean… yes… I agree to your terms' she said_

_' good… now you are free to go… he will be taken care of' he said unlocking the door._

_She went out of the house inhaling hard so that she could get some air to her lungs. It felt like a ton of bricks had landed on her chest as soon as she had said those words. It was getting difficult to breathe. But she tried to remember all of this was worth it. He was worth it. She closed her eyes trying get all of his memories imprinted in her mind. Because that was all she had now… memories._

The sound of the door click bought her back to the present. She looked down hurriedly and started wiping her tears with a tissue so that no one could see her crying like this. She had struggled to keep her emotions bottled up inside her for so long but she could not trip up now. Not after suffering so much to make this happen. She could not screw it all up.

She looked up into the mirror to make sure there were no signs of the tears she had been shedding appearing on it, but all that she saw was the face. The face that been the source of her dreams, the face that been in her memories that kept her going, the face that made her heart flutter, the face that could light up her day. But somehow this face was different now. Maybe it was the mirror she thought. She turned around to make sure she was not hallucinating. But he was there. Pain etched all across that adorable face of his.

* * *

Dan entered the chapel still enraged. He did not know what he was going to do. All he knew was what was happening wasn't right and he wanted answers. He had to see serena today whatever maybe the outcome. So he kept a low profile and moved towards the bride's dressing room. He saw every body come out but serena. He waited a while so that nobody could see him. Then he entered slowly entered the room.

As soon as he entered he saw her looking at the mirror teary eyed. She started wiping her face off as soon as he clicked the door shut behind them. Seeing her like this in a wedding dress bought up a gamut of emotions inside him. He could not move as he stood staring at her when she turned around to face him. Seeing her face close up made him wanting to do so many things but one of those things that kept coming up made him unable to do anything but come with…

"How could you serena…."

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please please review... i love hearing your thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5: Confrontation

**A/N:** So here i am after four months finally updating this fic... i would like to apologize to anyone who was waiting for an update on this eagerly...what can i say besides life happened and i lost my inspiration for this fic and my general sense where this story was headed... so even if i tried i couldn't get anything out for this fic... I could finally get some inspiration from the new fic DSForeverandAlways posted... so anyone who likes this fic has to thank her for the update and i would really recommend you to check out her fics coz they are amazing.

Again pardon me for the mistakes and over usage of any phrases or words, missing words etc. and for this awfully long A/N.

**Disclaimer: Own Nothing... owe everything**

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Jenny enters the loft trying to find his brother. The last year had been very hard on him and she knew very well that although he used to always assure her over the phone that he was fine, he was no where near it. Today would be especially difficult for him to get through so she had come over. She had planned to tell her that she needed company today instead of the other way around and the overprotective big brother in him would takeover and he would comply with her request.

She starts towards his room calling him out but there was no reply. She thought he might be still sleeping which was more of the case nowadays. She peeked inside his room and what she saw confirmed what she had been suspecting for some time. He was using again. She knew he used to take them for the pain but that had subsided almost completely yet he was using it. She was worried now thinking where he would be as she couldn't find him anywhere in the house.

She went into her old room still trying to figure where his brother would have gone when her eyes fell upon the magazine. The face on it was far too familiar and the headline made her stomach cringe. She knew what kind of reaction this would have on her ever so volatile brother and understood where she had to be.

* * *

"How could you Serena…"

"Dan…. I…uh… you shouldn't be here" Serena replied still stunned by his presence.

"That's all you have to say… I shouldn't be here" his voice getting sharper with each word.

"Please go… before somebody sees you in here" She replies worrying what would happen if any of Vince's men would find him here.

"You want me to leave… just like you left me there at the hospital"

"Dan …. It is not as simple as you think"

"Simplify it for me please… I was in the hospital fighting for my life, recovering from an accident, grieving the loss of my father, wanting nothing more than to see you and you were already going out, partying around with him…. Seems pretty simple to me"

"No… I was just…." she tried explaining but remembering she couldn't.

"You should just go… I can't do this right now" she said becoming stern this time.

"I am NOT going anywhere…"

"Then I'll have to call security…." She says trying to force him out.

"Try doing that" he said pulling out his gun and pointing it squarely at her.

"Dan… what are you doing… have you gone crazy" surprised at his reaction.

"Maybe….what did you think would happen Serena, when you decided to get married ON THE DAY MY FATHER DIED" he said bellowing with fury.

"Dan please calm down. You are not thinking clearly. This is not you"

"Oh… this is me now, Serena. The Dan you knew died in that accident…. You don't know anything I have gone through in the last year. So don't think you know what I am capable of now".

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Blair thought she heard someone shouting from Serena's room. She went in to check if Serena is okay. She couldn't believe the scene unfolding right in front of her eyes as she entered the room. Dan was standing there, with an expression on his face she never thought could be possibly directed at Serena and of course there was a small matter of the gun in his hand pointing directly at Serena. Serena on the other hand looked completely distraught; she was on the edge ready to breakdown anytime. She knew she had to intervene before the situation got out of hand.

"Dan" she addressed him by his name careful not to incite him further.

"What Blair" he says looking at her for a split second before training his eyes back to his target.

"Please don't do something you will regret"

"Regret… hmm…" he said laughing sarcastically.

"I have done far too many things to regret now. I don't regret anything anymore. Just believe that actions have consequences"

"And yours have led me to this" he says looking back at Serena.

"I m sorry … I never meant to hurt you Dan… you have to believe me" she replies tears starting to spill.

"I believed in you more than anybody Serena. I used to think how foolish people are not to see the real person beneath all the glamour and fame. But I guess I was the one who was being fooled all this time. When you left me for him I thought maybe you were not as strong as I thought you are. Maybe you couldn't handle all this and went back to what you found was easy. That's what I kept telling myself so that I could get over the fact that you didn't even so much as said goodbye. But now this… Having your wedding on the same day as the accident was like you were purposefully trying to twist a knife that is buried deep inside me. So stop pretending that you care and all this affects you because if it did you wouldn't be having your wedding today"

"I didn't…I didn't have a choice on the date, Vince decided it" She said finally dropping her guard letting slip some information.

"Oh don't give me that crap… Serena van der Woodsen having no control on her wedding date. Even the old Dan wouldn't have believed that Serena"

Blair sensing that this argument was going nowhere and was making Dan further irritated and decided to step in.

"Dan maybe you should think what you are about to do."

"Blair you better not get in between as I would hate to hurt you especially when you are pregnant"

"I can't just stand here and watch you shoot down my best friend can I? Besides are you ready to throw away your life, everything for this"

"Only a cynic would call what I have as a life and I don't have anything left to lose but you on the other hand have a lot to lose." He says in softer voice that catches Blair completely by surprise. Never would she have imagined that he would use a more caring tone while addressing her than Serena. Sensing that he genuinely cared and couldn't to do her and her baby what he was ready to do to Serena she puts herself in between the two of them.

"What are you doing Blair? Do you want to lose your baby for her? Let me tell you she is not worth it."

"I m trying to stop you from doing what you don't really want to deep down but are just too blinded by anger to see it."

"Don't think I would stop if you are in between I would hurt you if I have too" he says pulling back the hammer.

"What about me?" She says entering the room

"Jenny what are you doing here?" he says surprised to see her younger sister.

"I was worried how my brother was doing today and it seems my fears are completely true"

"Don't get into this Jenny I know what I m doing I m not on drugs"

"Try telling that lie to someone who hasn't been to your room"

"That was last night, I am fully aware of what I am doing right now and am not afraid of facing the consequences, whatever they maybe"

"What about me then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dan you were not the only one who lost a father on this day. I did too. And here I am today trying to share my grief with the only other person who would understand but he is willing to throw away his life, the very life for which my father sacrificed his, to get back at her ex." She continues her voice starting to break up.

"That is so selfish of you Dan. I have already lost my father and I don't want to lose my brother too…. So if you still want to shoot them, go ahead but that makes you no better than her…" she says gesturing towards Serena. "Leaving someone when they need them the most."

Dan lowered his gun for the first time and looked towards Jenny as Blair heaved a sigh of relief.

"She is trying to mock his memory by getting married on the same day" he argues

"And you think you wouldn't do something similar by committing a murder on the anniversary of his death."

"But she can't get away with this."

"Dan there would be hundreds of weddings happening today. Just assume this to be one of them. She shouldn't exist for you anymore. Don't give her the satisfaction she is getting by all the attention you are giving her. She doesn't deserve it. Just leave let her to do whatever the hell she wants to do with her life." She replies making her hatred of Serena apparent.

"But I can't let it go."

"What do you think dad would have wanted? Would he have wanted you to throw away your life just so that you could extract some petty revenge of sorts? Dan you are supposed to be the good son, always doing the right thing and taking responsibility. I need my elder brother to be there for me. Not rot in some jail over someone who is not even worth it."

Sensing that she was finally able to break through to him she moves towards him, takes the gun from his hands, quietly deposits in her purse and hugs him tightly.

"Come on Dan lets go. You need to be some place." She says as she grabs his hand gently drags him out of the room. Before leaving she peeks backs into the room and says

"Come after Dan for this and I'll come after you and you should know by now he is the sane one in the family." With seething hatred towards Serena.

As soon as they leave Blair sits down panting next to Serena who is crying continuously. She starts soothing her by gently rubbing her back.

"Its okay Serena they are gone now. Don't worry"

"He hates me … He hates me B"

"I know… I know. Stop crying it doesn't matter, you are getting married in a few minutes and then Dan and everything would be behind you"

"It matters to me…"she says before starting to cry again.

"Serena what are you saying… do you still have feelings for Dan? I know we are not supposed to talk about him but if there something you want to say you should know you could tell me."

"I wish I could B but…"

There is a knock on the door and Chuck's voice come through.

"Serena, Blair are you guys ready everybody is waiting for you its nearly time."

"Don't tell Chuck about any of this. I don't want Dan to get in any trouble ok" Serena says quickly trying to wipe her tears and regain her composure.

"Do you want me to tell them there is a delay"

"No. Just stall Chuck for a bit while I clean up. He can't see me like this. And I'll be out in a minute."

"Are you sure you want to go ahead with this wedding" Blair asks concerned

"Yes. I am. More than anything." She replies gulping down the bile rising in her throat as she says so.

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As the music starts playing her father comes up to her and kisses her forehead .He takes her hand and starts guiding her down the aisle after the rest.

As soon as she reaches the far end of the aisle. Her eyes get blurry as the images from her dreams start flashing right in front of her. She starts thinking of all the times she had dreamt of this moment. That she would walk down the aisle towards the man she loved to get their forever. And he would just look her the way he always does. Eyes full of devotion and the smile which was reserved for her. As she looks up all she could see through her now teary eyes was Dan smiling at her at the top of the aisle and then everything goes black.

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**P.S:** hopefully it still made sense as i was writing this chapter a fresh i think few things might have changed from what i had initially thought. so hopefully there are no blunders or goof ups in the storyline. if so plz PM me. **AND PLEASE REVIEW**


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